Blog #7

Original

Since time began, art has been a way people have chosen to express themselves. For some, art is a way to cope or to travel to a different state of being even for just a short period of time. An example of this is through the stories that both Southan and Titus tell. Though they both discuss the importance of art or lack thereof, they both have a very different view on the matter. Nevertheless art has an impact on the world and has changed the way people view the past, present and future.
The EA are a group of people who believe that people should live productive happy lives. As Southan reports, “The central premise of Effective Altruism is alluringly intuitive. Simply put, EA’s want to reduce suffering and increase lifespan and happiness. That’s it; nothing else matters” (Southan 436). The EA believes that the privileged should work good paying jobs during their life to make what they need to live and to eventually get the funds to donate the extra money that they don’t need to the people who need it the most. If people were to donate 10 percent of their income to others it would begin to close the poverty gap. Their goals in a scene is to try and make all people equal on an economic basis so everyone could eventually live that happy life.

Revised

Since time began, art has been a way people have chosen to express themselves. For some, art is a way to cope or to travel to a different state of being even for just a short period of time. There are many opinions involving the meaning of art and the value it has in society. A group called the Effective Altruists (EA) believes that art is worthless, as freelance writer Rhys Southan reports, because it doesn’t have the capability to reduce suffering like money can. On the other hand, artist Titus Kaphar, discusses the importance of art throughout history, arguing that art can change the way history is perceived and viewed in the future. Nevertheless art has an impact on the world and has changed the way people view the past, present and future.
The EA are a group of people who believe that people should live productive happy lives. As Southan reports, “The central premise of Effective Altruism is alluringly intuitive. Simply put, EA’s want to reduce suffering and increase lifespan and happiness. That’s it; nothing else matters” (Southan 436). The EA believes that the privileged should work good paying jobs to make what they need to live and donate the extra money to the people who need it the most. Specifically, if people were to donate 10 percent of their income to others argued the EA, it would begin to close the poverty gap. Their goals in a sense is to help the poor and supply them with the needs of “well being” (Southan 436).

I ended up changing most of my first two paragraph to flow better. My introduction now describes what I will be talking about and comparing throughout the essay.  With my second paragraph, I was able to talk about the EA more and their goals.  I made it so when people were reading my essay they would be able to learn from the beginning and not assuming I know what they mean.