Throughout the semester I have learned many new techniques when it comes to writing. Prior to taking this class I wasn’t given the proper tools to edit my papers with. They would always just go tell us to revise and to make a second draft before handing in our final copy. This class has given me many tools that will definitely help me when it comes to writing papers in the future. My favorite active reading strategie is that I like to mark up my errors as I go and make comments to myself. My favorite Brainstorming strategies is that I like to find quotes and organize then by my sources, then create my claim sentences. My favorite drafting strategy is creating an outline of what I plan to talk about and structure each paragraph. My favorite revision strategy is to print numerous copies with different types of revisions like one could have surface errors, and another could have stuff to work on about my claim sentences. My favorite polishing strategy would have to be that I like to read my essays out loud to make sure everything sounds good and the structure flows in a good order. I think that these strategies that I have developed will help me as I progress in my education and improve my writing skills immensely. 
The main feedback that I received through the peer editing process was aimed towards quoting my sources and adding quotes. I didn’t have any going into the peer editing groups so I intend to go through others projects and quote them and their project they did. I also plan to add quotes from Armstrong’s text and relate them to my opinions and my views on beauty. Another thing I plan on doing is adding images from Livs project and from Erik’s project. I think if I add more images to support my claims and future quotes, it will make my paper stronger. I think my biggest challenge would be to add quotes that will fit in with my type of writing for this protect. The reason being is my essay is based off of my opinions and what I find to be beautiful along with what my classmates view as beautiful. If I’m not able to resolve this challenge on my own I plan on reaching out to the people who I am referencing and ask them for their help with adding their voice into my text. I also could ask someone on my floor for assistance. Not only do I have those resources, I also have my SASC tutor who can help me find my wording and if it comes down to I would reach out to you for help.
Part 1:
My final paper will include linguistic, visual, audio and spatial modes. The reason for this is I am planning to use the song that Stephen and Aaron did as one example for audio because I really enjoy that song and I think it has a lot of meaning to many people. I’m also going to incorporate a song that is special to me and my dad because to me brings up a lot of emotions and memories. I’m also going to use images to show beauty and maybe a few that go along with the song choices. I may end up adding some bolded points writhing the essay to emphasize points and to make it appealing to read.
Part 2:
I intend to use the songs- Boy by Lee Bryce ( the report Stephen and Aaron did) and I loved her first by Tim McGraw (me and my dads song)
- I think music is there to show comfort and happiness and can change the way people feel. For me with the two songs about I can think back to happy memories with both of them and because I’m able to make those connections, it makes the meaning of the song so much stronger than just listening for fun
I intend to Talk about Olivia’s Project
- I plan to talk about how these photos that are around the hospital have helped lighten the spirits of the children who are enduring such an adult problem which is death. These paintings and pictures have helped distract the minds of these children and has not only helped the people going through the treatments but also the friends and family’s who are their fighting along side of their loved ones.
- I also plan to add in pictures that Olivia used in her presentation as examples
I intend to talk about Erik’s Project
- I plan to talk about Erik’s Photography because it was based off of the beauty of nature. To me nature has always been very important to me because growing up my family had always been the outdoors type of people. We have a camp up in Meredith New Hampshire and because of that I am able to get away and enjoy nature on the weekends. It has been a way to get away and escape reality and to forget about my responsibilities at home and just live in the moment.
I intent to talk about Armstrong’s Interpretations
- I plan to talk about what Armstrong believes to be beautiful. He talks about the difference between sense and form and how they relate to the term beautiful. I intend to expand and dig deeper into the meanings behind his claims.
I view beauty as something can be appreciated by people and something that can be admired. Beauty can be a person you love and adore or a place in nature that you enjoy to look at. For me being the outdoors person I am I love the views that nature provides and I think that it is so pretty. Beauty doesn’t have to be fashion or something in the media, it is usually something on the personal level.”We can’t hope to see why beauty matters to us unless we pay attention to them both. If we want to understand beauty, we can’t just talk about the things we find beautiful. We have to talk about our lives”(Armstrong). To me this quote represents that you cant really describe beauty unless you talk about things you have experienced. It would be extremely difficult to try and tell someone what you see as beautiful unless you talk about something you have seen and see as beautiful. Society has many ideas of what is beautiful. To some they see nature as beautiful and those are the people who tend to enclose themselves in nature. Some on the other hand view beautiful as the Kardashians or the newest fashion walking the run ways. Even though they are very different views, they are both describing what they view as beauty.
Entering this project we were not prepared for the impact the image of the mural in Denver would have on us. We wanted to use a mural as our piece of artwork because of the impact murals have within communities. For the community murals are in they bring positive energy and attention to the area. This kind of street art can change the outlook of an area or community, which can change the way those in the area are viewed. This is an example of positive change art can bring to individual lives, communities, and the world as a whole.
This particular mural by Damon Soule and Justin Lovato captured our interest and eye immediately. What drew Meghan to this art piece originally, the waves coming off of the black and white section rippling across the rest of the piece that is in color, tying it all together. The more she looked at the piece, the more she loved it. Meghan enjoyed the mural so much that it blew her mind that it is street art in Denver.
Meghan also had her mom encounter the mural; however she did not tell her anything about the image. She simply pulled up the image on a computer in front of her and began to ask her questions while recording her answers. Through this process Meghan learned to look at new parts of the image she did not before. They had similarities regarding what they noticed first and their definitions of art, but how they encountered the artwork was not the same. Her mom defined art as, “… a creation by somebody because I think people have a lot of different ways to express themselves and art is an expression of how they can express their feelings” (Rogers). Meghan agrees with this broad definition that art is anything that expresses one’s feelings or emotions. Along with our broad definitions they both noticed black and white section instantly. However, their encounter after their initial look at the image differed. The more Meghan encountered the artwork, she was motivated to explore and get out and be adventurous, almost as if she should walk down the rocks towards the horizon to see what is there. One the flip side however, originally her mom stated she was not motivated, but after a few silent second of looking more at the mural she changed her mind to state, “…it motivates me to figure out where this is, if it’s a picture taken” (Rogers). This answer is interesting because it shows the important of having background information. Meghan was captivated by the mural itself when looking at the image, but her mom was intrigued to figure out exactly what was going on in the image as a whole. Alysa, Meghan’s partner for the project was also motivated, but in a different way compared to Meghan and her mom. Alysa encountered the image, she saw it as there is always light at the end of the tunnel. The reason she see this was because it starts off black and white which to her represented limited choices, but when you realize there is more that can be done it is seen through the radiating colors. Intrigued was the emotion she stated when asked what emotions she associated with the artwork. Due to the lack of knowledge of what exactly the image was of her mom stated, “It makes me intrigued to look at it all, like all of the different aspects like when I first looked at it all I saw was this [black and white circle], but then I saw the color and see what is in the picture, is it a wall of a place, right here looks like parking spots, right here looks like the a regular sky with trees over here and piping over here [left side of image]” (Rogers). As she was pointing out the different aspect of the image Meghan realized she had not even really taken into account the surroundings of the mural because she knew exactly what and where it was. Meghan had not seen the parking spaces, or piping that was part of the mural itself, or the graffiti words in the top on another wall of the building the mural was on. However, her mom’s curiosity of the art piece led her to look around the mural to try and figure out where and what exactly it was because she did not tell her anything about the work, including that it was a mural. Meghan however saw the image and clicked on it. This led her to a website that was promoting Denver street art, so as she wrote about her encounter with the piece, she knew it was a mural. Therefore, she feels like she was more focused on the art piece itself versus its surroundings. Meghan realized through her mom’s encounter with the mural that information known before looking at artwork can change how one experiences the artwork itself.
The presentation that stood out to me the most was Olivia’s presentation. Her presentation stood out the most because it was personal to get and let her open up and tell not only her own story, but also her friends story. It really touched my heart when she was talking about the hospital and how they have art that the children getting treatment can interact with the art on the walls making them feel as if they weren’t stuck in a hospital getting treatment to save their lives. To me when she was talking about how they were going through something that people their age shouldn’t be dealing with and that was death. As she continued to talk about her friends experience it almost had me in tears because I could hear it in her voice. Liv is such a cheerful person and to see and hear how she has been effected was breaking my heart and knowing she is being put through the process of loosing her best friend is terrible. I think that it was amazing how she presented her project. She gave real examples of the people she knows interacting with art to take their mind off of treatment and just knowing that art is helping them cope is amazing and I’m so glad that they are benefiting from the artwork throughout the hospital. Another thing I liked was that she didn’t just focus on one piece of art was interesting to me. She gave so many different examples and was able to explain not only her experience with that piece of art but also the experiences from her loved ones.
Yellow represents the words that I repeated a lot which are important to the text such as STEAM, STEM, Neuroscience, science, art, and more. These were important because it made me stay on track when writing making sure I didn’t stray far from my main point of my thesis.
Green represented my introductions where I didn’t begin with a good transition. This allowed me to realize where I need to go back to and edit so that my essay flows the way it should.
Blue represents words that are similar and come up throughout the essay such as Develop, benefit, advance, grow, understand and a few more. These are the type of words that let me expand and are good for me to be able to go back to and develop more and go into more detail when I go back through and edit my essay.
Original
Since time began, art has been a way people have chosen to express themselves. For some, art is a way to cope or to travel to a different state of being even for just a short period of time. An example of this is through the stories that both Southan and Titus tell. Though they both discuss the importance of art or lack thereof, they both have a very different view on the matter. Nevertheless art has an impact on the world and has changed the way people view the past, present and future.
The EA are a group of people who believe that people should live productive happy lives. As Southan reports, “The central premise of Effective Altruism is alluringly intuitive. Simply put, EA’s want to reduce suffering and increase lifespan and happiness. That’s it; nothing else matters” (Southan 436). The EA believes that the privileged should work good paying jobs during their life to make what they need to live and to eventually get the funds to donate the extra money that they don’t need to the people who need it the most. If people were to donate 10 percent of their income to others it would begin to close the poverty gap. Their goals in a scene is to try and make all people equal on an economic basis so everyone could eventually live that happy life.
Revised
Since time began, art has been a way people have chosen to express themselves. For some, art is a way to cope or to travel to a different state of being even for just a short period of time. There are many opinions involving the meaning of art and the value it has in society. A group called the Effective Altruists (EA) believes that art is worthless, as freelance writer Rhys Southan reports, because it doesn’t have the capability to reduce suffering like money can. On the other hand, artist Titus Kaphar, discusses the importance of art throughout history, arguing that art can change the way history is perceived and viewed in the future. Nevertheless art has an impact on the world and has changed the way people view the past, present and future.
The EA are a group of people who believe that people should live productive happy lives. As Southan reports, “The central premise of Effective Altruism is alluringly intuitive. Simply put, EA’s want to reduce suffering and increase lifespan and happiness. That’s it; nothing else matters” (Southan 436). The EA believes that the privileged should work good paying jobs to make what they need to live and donate the extra money to the people who need it the most. Specifically, if people were to donate 10 percent of their income to others argued the EA, it would begin to close the poverty gap. Their goals in a sense is to help the poor and supply them with the needs of “well being” (Southan 436).
I ended up changing most of my first two paragraph to flow better. My introduction now describes what I will be talking about and comparing throughout the essay. With my second paragraph, I was able to talk about the EA more and their goals. I made it so when people were reading my essay they would be able to learn from the beginning and not assuming I know what they mean.
From my peer review my main goal is to voice the EA more throughout my essay. I realized I may have been a little bias when it comes to defending with the EA had to say and I tended to focus a bit more on the impact that Titus was making in the art world because he was supporting the fat that art was important and used to help people understand history and make a difference. Another goal I have for myself is to carry out my opinions a little more especially in the second to last paragraph where I mainly talked about my feelings of Titus.
In order for me to achieve my goals I will need to sit down and create a list of my opinions and write down my views of Southan vs my views of Titus and go back into the text and make sure that I add more of the missing Southan views.
I think my biggest challenge is they didn’t give me too much t go off of in the perspective of changing things. They all believed that my essay was really well written and my structure and word choice was goo. So I think trying to find thing to change is going to be kind o difficult because I wrote it and its always hard to tear apart your own writing.
I think that I am going to do my best to try and solve this problem, but if that doesn’t work out I am hoping that the draft that is being edited by the teacher will give me something to work with and hopefully make my writing better. Also if I have to I can always have other friends look over my essay and give me their advice or even have my tutor look over the new draft on Monday when I see her.
Ideas- You need to create a thesis. Without a thesis you don’t have your statement that you close your introduction or restate in the conclusion. I think this goes under ideas because without a good thesis, it is hard to have a good direction to take the essay.
Evidence- If you make quote make sure you cite them in the text so your reader knows the origin of the quote. I think this belongs under evidence because it is something that they found to support their claim that they are making in the text.
Organization- Try to talk about Southan, the EA and the Ted talk without adding your personal opinion in all of the paragraphs I would tart by stating their claims in their own paragraphs and maybe add one that has your own opinions later after stating the writers point. I think this goes under organization because order is key when writing and constantly putting in your own opinion strays away from their claims.
In high school we did a lot of peer editing so I kind of had an idea of what we were going to do in class, but I was sorta wrong. We did peer editing in a different way than I have ever done it before which was interesting. I liked how we were able to have others read and not just destroy our essays because of spelling but because of content and they actually gave good feedback which I tend to use to its fullest. I hope we continue with what we are doing because I think it is very beneficial to all of us to get other opinions on our writing style and open our minds to a different way of writing.
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