Month: February 2018

Original

Since time began, art has been a way people have chosen to express themselves. For some, art is a way to cope or to travel to a different state of being even for just a short period of time. An example of this is through the stories that both Southan and Titus tell. Though they both discuss the importance of art or lack thereof, they both have a very different view on the matter. Nevertheless art has an impact on the world and has changed the way people view the past, present and future.
The EA are a group of people who believe that people should live productive happy lives. As Southan reports, “The central premise of Effective Altruism is alluringly intuitive. Simply put, EA’s want to reduce suffering and increase lifespan and happiness. That’s it; nothing else matters” (Southan 436). The EA believes that the privileged should work good paying jobs during their life to make what they need to live and to eventually get the funds to donate the extra money that they don’t need to the people who need it the most. If people were to donate 10 percent of their income to others it would begin to close the poverty gap. Their goals in a scene is to try and make all people equal on an economic basis so everyone could eventually live that happy life.

Revised

Since time began, art has been a way people have chosen to express themselves. For some, art is a way to cope or to travel to a different state of being even for just a short period of time. There are many opinions involving the meaning of art and the value it has in society. A group called the Effective Altruists (EA) believes that art is worthless, as freelance writer Rhys Southan reports, because it doesn’t have the capability to reduce suffering like money can. On the other hand, artist Titus Kaphar, discusses the importance of art throughout history, arguing that art can change the way history is perceived and viewed in the future. Nevertheless art has an impact on the world and has changed the way people view the past, present and future.
The EA are a group of people who believe that people should live productive happy lives. As Southan reports, “The central premise of Effective Altruism is alluringly intuitive. Simply put, EA’s want to reduce suffering and increase lifespan and happiness. That’s it; nothing else matters” (Southan 436). The EA believes that the privileged should work good paying jobs to make what they need to live and donate the extra money to the people who need it the most. Specifically, if people were to donate 10 percent of their income to others argued the EA, it would begin to close the poverty gap. Their goals in a sense is to help the poor and supply them with the needs of “well being” (Southan 436).

I ended up changing most of my first two paragraph to flow better. My introduction now describes what I will be talking about and comparing throughout the essay.  With my second paragraph, I was able to talk about the EA more and their goals.  I made it so when people were reading my essay they would be able to learn from the beginning and not assuming I know what they mean.

From my peer review my main goal is to voice the EA more throughout my essay. I realized I may have been a little bias when it comes to defending with the EA had to say and I tended to focus a bit more on the impact that Titus was making in the art world because he was supporting the fat that art was important and used to help people understand history and make a difference. Another goal I have for myself is to carry out my opinions a little more especially in the second to last paragraph where I mainly talked about my feelings of Titus.

In order for me to achieve my goals I will need to sit down and create a list of my opinions and write down my views of Southan vs my views of Titus and go back into the text and make sure that I add more of the missing Southan views.

I think my biggest challenge is they didn’t give me too much t go off of in the perspective of changing things. They all believed that my essay was really well written and my structure and word choice was goo. So I think trying to find thing to change is going to be kind o difficult because I wrote it and its always hard to tear apart your own writing.

I think that I am going to do my best to try and solve this problem, but if that doesn’t work out I am hoping that the draft that is being edited by the teacher will give me something to work with and hopefully make my writing better. Also if I have to I can always have other friends look over my essay and give me their advice or even have my tutor look over the new draft on Monday when I see her.

Ideas- You need to create a thesis. Without a thesis you don’t have your statement that you close your introduction or restate in the conclusion. I think this goes under ideas because without a good thesis, it is hard to have a good direction to take the essay.

Evidence- If you make quote make sure you cite them in the text so your reader knows the origin of the quote. I think this belongs under evidence because it is something that they found to support their claim that they are making in the text.

Organization- Try to talk about Southan, the EA and the Ted talk without adding your personal opinion in all of the paragraphs I would tart by stating their claims in their own paragraphs and maybe add one that has your own opinions later after stating the writers point. I think this goes under organization because order is key when writing and constantly putting in your own opinion strays away from their claims.

In high school we did a lot of peer editing so I kind of had an idea of what we were going to do in class, but I was sorta wrong. We did peer editing in a different way than I have ever done it before which was interesting. I liked how we were able to have others read and not just destroy our essays because of spelling but because of content and they actually gave good feedback which I tend to use to its fullest. I hope we continue with what we are doing because I think it is very beneficial to all of us to get other opinions on our writing style and open our minds to a different way of writing.

I really enjoyed todays peer edit and how we approached it as a class. At first when we were answering the questions in class I want sure if I was doing it right or responding in the ” correct way”. After we did the questions though, it had me thinking in a different way about starting my first draft of my introduction. It made it so some of the stress of covering everything a good introduction should have was relieved. Another great aspect of doing this in class was I was able to see how others were thinking and getting their feedback was really helpful to me. I now have re-read my introduction with the corrections in mind and think I know how to fix it!

Art is viewed in many different ways and has many different powers and purposes in peoples lives. For some it is a way to escape reality and go into another state of mind and for others who are blessed with the ability to create art, their career. When reading Southan’s article I was filled with different emotions almost as if my opinion was trying to be changed on the way I view art. In Southan’s writing we are given opinions from the views of both the writer and the EA. The EA believes that all lives matter and the happiness and well being of people are most important. They say that happiness is the most important but they want people to work for the jobs that will pay them the most money even if they are miserable doing that job to them everything is about money. Southan on the other hand talks about the importance of art even if it is just on a personal level. He realizes that he could be contributing more than he is but he is enjoying making his art. He also mentions the analogy of a drowning person in the pond and the morals of saving that person to me it means that if the problem was in front of him, he would respond but since its a theoretical issue that he isn’t experiencing it doesn’t have such a strong impact. After listening to the Ted Talk by Titus it really had me thinking about the history of art and how the black race was seen and portrayed, even in todays society. They have always been shoved into the background and Titus wanted to change that in a way that faced out the other people who were once the focus of the painting into the background and brought the little boy to light. He used the oil on the painting because he didn’t want to erase the history of the painting because he cant change the past but he can change the future through his paintings. Another topic that both Southan and Titus touch upon is the economical status. Titus when he talks about the meaning of the golden necklace and how it made that lady stick out and Southan when he talks about jobs and donating as much money as possible stating that you should only keep as much as you need and donate the rest.

After reading both of these stories and perspectives on art it made me think about art in a higher power. My whole life I have been in the visual and performing arts for my school district, because I enjoy it and it brought happiness to others who were able to come to the art shows and our school concerts, but now I see it in a new way. I love how Titus was trying to change the history behind his art to not only explain something to his son but also to explain to others that everyone was created equal and that everyone should have their chance to shine and be happy. I think that is something both Southan and Titus did a good job explaining was how they wanted happiness out of art. Titus was more focused on history and the happiness of the African American race and Southan on his own happiness. I believe that art is special and differs by who is admiring it and both Southan and Titus did a great job getting their views of art across.